Blog Series – Covid-19: Stories, Insights and Perspectives Michal A. Elovitz

By Corrinne Fahl

A physician-scientist's pandemic puzzle 

They say it is times like these where priorities become so apparent. Fear of losing yourself, of your family, of your friends, of your colleagues---it definitely makes everything that much more transparent. 

You can see yourself and others so much clearer. What and who really matters. What your strengths and weaknesses are. What you really want and what you don't. And you see others--like someone turned on all the lights in a dimmed room. You knew vulnerability was there but so many people try to cover it up. It is something we are taught to hide in our professional lives and only reveal sometimes in our personal ones. But, damn if full light does not illuminate the layers of our vulnerable selves in every aspect of our lives. Sometimes, what the light reveals is beautiful. Sometimes, it is ugly. But, in these times, you have to look, take it in, remember it and move forward. Knowing what is and what isn’t. Knowing how these times will change how you act, what you want, and even who stays in your heart. 

The clarity brought by the pandemic crosses into my professional life. I am a doctor and a scientist. I like to fix things. I like to solve things. It is what I do. 

It is what I need to do. 

During my early and mid-career, the place I loved to be was the labor floor. I not only loved delivering babies, I felt uniquely equipped to take care of sick moms-critically ill pregnant patients. Embed whatever part of ego you want into this, but I can see them, if you will. I see their illness, how their systems have changed from pregnancy, how their pregnancy affects their illness and how their illness affects their pregnancy---and all of these things come together in my mind like a puzzle. But, the puzzles are quick and easy and the pieces fall into place and I understand. So, for years, my expertise was critical care obstetrics and it is where I felt I was meant to be. As my research program grew, my time on the labor floor drifted away. And, this was ok. Scientific discovery, trying to make a difference for a whole population of pregnant women brings its own incredible satisfaction and reward. I did not know it early in my training, but science, research, it is like that critically ill pregnant patient. The clinical problems in obstetrics are unsolved puzzles. There are different pieces—you just need to look at it in new ways and then put the pieces together. There is a way that they all fit. We just need to figure out how to put them together. And, in a small way, I have been able to do this. We are doing this. I want to do more of this because, you see, the puzzle is becoming easier to see, the pieces are falling into place, and I want to finish the puzzle. 

But right now, above all else is COVID19. And, so I do what I can. I read. I listen. I participate in research groups. I learn from really brilliant people. I help where I can. I know that I will not figure out the puzzle but I will help as much as I can to assist others in identifying the pieces. That process goes on, every day, multiple times a day. As expected but still always disconcerting, sick pregnant women start coming in to our hospital. And, I am pulled. I don't need to see them to know what their lung exam is, to understand how the ventilator fights against the growing uterus, to feel how the power to put oxygen in their lungs impedes the return of blood from their legs to their hearts, to know that their heart is trying so hard to pump blood to all the vital organs and yet, the placenta, in all its brilliance, sits there quietly waiting to be delivered its due. 

I want to run to the ICU and my lab all at the same time. I need to help. To fix. This has been my job, my passion, my duty, my commitment for 20 years. And, as the pandemic has thrown clarity into our lives, I realize that all I can do is try to help, in all ways possible, using whatever gifts and talents that I may have, to support others whose minds can lead the way, to empower those who can make a difference, to be an advocate for those needing care and those giving care, to be a voice when others are reluctant to speak, to be present for those who need me, and to remember that it is only impossible until it is not. 

With immense gratitude to all my colleagues, whether at the bedside or the bench, whether in the emergency room or the labor floor, whether in the critical care units or in the laboratory, who are dedicated to solving this puzzle. 

~Michal A. Elovitz, MD Professor, Obstetrics and Gynecology Vice Chair, Translational Research